My Lover, Janet

I'm in love with a 60-year-old truck driver named Janet.

She's my favorite bus driver to and from Agua Fria High; in fact, she's everyone's favorite bus driver, so I have to run to catch her bus each morning and afternoon to get myself a seat.

Janet's skin and voice are both leathery. The first time I heard this, I was laying back, looking forward to a nice post-Institute nap. And then, over the loudspeaker, comes a voice as tarry as a cigarette butt: "I drove truck back in Wisconsin for thirteen years...does anyone read French?"

I knew then that I was in for a treat.

Turns out Janet treats her job as if she were an amateur tour guide. She knows more about the Phoenix Metropolitan Area than anyone. For example, here are some highlights from Vegetation Day:

"Anything can grow in Arizona...except strawberries. This is because strawberries are stubborn."

"Koalas only eat 13 different kinds of leaves."

How she comes across these gems is beyond me.

Sometimes, she gets a little sassy. If you ask her about something, say, the cornfields in downtown Phoenix, she'll respond with something like "I'm spreading out my facts through the summer, so you'll just have to wait for that one."

But her beauty overcomes all, and we're madly in love. Although there was the one time Janet "went rogue" and decided to take us off of the regular route to show us downtown Tempe (which is awesome). This was also the day that the air conditioning on her bus (I call it the J Truck but this has not yet caught on with others) broke. It was like everyone's own miniature version of Hell, listening to Janet blather on about Mill Avenue and its original landowners as the temperatures inside the bus approached 125 degrees.

She hasn't caught on that we're lovers yet, but given some time, I think she'll come around. But it's awesome that after a stressful day at Institute I can lay back, relax, and enjoy Janet's pearls of wisdom ("Ladies, if you're going hiking this weekend, I recommend wearing lots of lotions [?]. It's gonna be a hot one.")

peace and love from the grand canyon state,

pb